Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
