Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
