I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
