i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
