She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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