After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
