i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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