It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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