I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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