google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
