Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
