Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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