I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
