So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I want a musical about memes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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