but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
