I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
