I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
do herpes really smell.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
