i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
