Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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