you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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