I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
