when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
