Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
