oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize