Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
