I cut my penus on the lid.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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