wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
