3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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