high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
