I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
