This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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