Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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