its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Come on in and take your pants off
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