you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
