about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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