things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
