I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
