dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
