i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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