after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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