How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
