just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
