She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She told me I should be a condom model.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize