Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize