allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize