my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
