so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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