If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
