we have pet lesbian snakes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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