the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
