we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
