Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
