Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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