Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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