I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
