i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
