i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
