grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
