Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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