There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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