UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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