This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
