What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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