That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize