the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
