What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
