He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
